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Princess A
We have a four-week-old son who was eight weeks premature. He came home on Monday with a heart monitor and I have to really watch him because he did have episodes of apnea while he was in the NICU. His father and I are no longer together and he has since gotten engaged to another woman. They've been together for five months. He did not come home from school (2 hours away) the day the baby came home from the hospital and I'm really upset about it. His fiancee wants him to bring our son to their place 2 hours away and I am against it, especially because our baby is just under 5 lbs. His father comes home every other weekend, but has yet to come and see the baby other than twice since he's been born. I am extremely upset. Do I have the right to tell my child's father's fiancee to butt out of our business and try to work things out with my ex? I am still deeply in love with him, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I owe it to my son to keep fighting for our family... but right now, I'm just lost. Is it a lost cause? Or should I just move on? I'm so confused. What rights does my ex have?
Actually, I do know his fiancee fairly well. There are a lot of personal reasons why we broke up, mostly because of school and things but I never expected him to go get engaged to someone else. I just figured we would work things out for our kid. I'm still in love with him and this just... hurts.
Answer
Being the mother of a 9 week old preemie son myself (and in a "relationship" similar to yours at the time), allow me to give some advice from my standpoint.
First off, while at the hospital you should have had special training on how to take care of your son and his special needs (the hospital I was at it was mandatory that you were able to "pass" all aspects before baby was allowed to go home with you). Since your son's father appears to be so uninvolved with his life at all - I am assuming he did not join in on any of this training. With your son still being on his leads this is doubly important...and with you having JUST brought him home, even more so. As such you have a perfectly legitimate reason for NOT allowing your son to travel that far with him. Not only for your sons health, but for his safety as well.
Next, if he is already engaged to this other woman (and after such a short amount of time) I am going to assume that he may have been "seeing" her BEFORE they got together. My son's father did something very similar. My advice on this, just leave well enough alone. I realise you still love him (I was dealing with the same emotions with my ex), and it is going to hurt for some time, but he has already moved on with his life....and you have a little man in your life now who will love you unconditionally. I would forget about trying to patch things up with your ex, and focus all of your energy on your new little bundle of joy who is at home with you now (and they do take a lot). Leave the offer on the table for the father to be a part of his son's life if he truly wishes it, but DON'T try to force it on him either - it most likely will have repercussions you won't like later. And who knows what the future may hold for the 3 of you...but also don't try to force something that may have been never meant to be. Trying to keep a relationship going just for the kids 9 times out of 10 is one of the worst things you can do (been there as well).
As for the ex, the "nice" way to tell her to butt out (especially since you know her) would be to tell her that you can appreciate that she is trying to be involved in your son's life as a result of being with his father, but you would appreciate it if she did not try to force her presence. You could also let her know that until your son is older and halthier you would feel more comfortable with visits being at your house, and possibly with just the father at first (unless you think you can get along with her well enough to allow her to be there as well).
Finally, as far as rights go, unless the 2 of you were married, or Child Protective Services is involved stating you are an unfit mother, the father usually has very limited rights (again this depends on what state you are in). You do have the right to file for child support (which I may add I would suggest doing, he helped bring your son into this world...he should also help support him), and just because the father pays child support does NOT mean the father has the right to see the child (they actually state that). If you have any concerns over visitations, etc. what I would suggest is filing a parenting plan with the courts (an attorney can help you with the process, and sometimes for free [pro-bono]). Then the 2 of you (not the fiancee) can iron out details on how the 2 of you as seperate households will raise your child and keep the other parent involved (visitations, etc.). If he chooses not to be involved in the process, then the courts will award you what ever you put in the plan, and then he must abide by it. You do have the right to change the parenting plan in the future if you so desire.
If you have any other questions, or just need someone to talk to (especially since I have been there a few times), feel free to email or messenger me. Good luck, and congrats on the baby!
Being the mother of a 9 week old preemie son myself (and in a "relationship" similar to yours at the time), allow me to give some advice from my standpoint.
First off, while at the hospital you should have had special training on how to take care of your son and his special needs (the hospital I was at it was mandatory that you were able to "pass" all aspects before baby was allowed to go home with you). Since your son's father appears to be so uninvolved with his life at all - I am assuming he did not join in on any of this training. With your son still being on his leads this is doubly important...and with you having JUST brought him home, even more so. As such you have a perfectly legitimate reason for NOT allowing your son to travel that far with him. Not only for your sons health, but for his safety as well.
Next, if he is already engaged to this other woman (and after such a short amount of time) I am going to assume that he may have been "seeing" her BEFORE they got together. My son's father did something very similar. My advice on this, just leave well enough alone. I realise you still love him (I was dealing with the same emotions with my ex), and it is going to hurt for some time, but he has already moved on with his life....and you have a little man in your life now who will love you unconditionally. I would forget about trying to patch things up with your ex, and focus all of your energy on your new little bundle of joy who is at home with you now (and they do take a lot). Leave the offer on the table for the father to be a part of his son's life if he truly wishes it, but DON'T try to force it on him either - it most likely will have repercussions you won't like later. And who knows what the future may hold for the 3 of you...but also don't try to force something that may have been never meant to be. Trying to keep a relationship going just for the kids 9 times out of 10 is one of the worst things you can do (been there as well).
As for the ex, the "nice" way to tell her to butt out (especially since you know her) would be to tell her that you can appreciate that she is trying to be involved in your son's life as a result of being with his father, but you would appreciate it if she did not try to force her presence. You could also let her know that until your son is older and halthier you would feel more comfortable with visits being at your house, and possibly with just the father at first (unless you think you can get along with her well enough to allow her to be there as well).
Finally, as far as rights go, unless the 2 of you were married, or Child Protective Services is involved stating you are an unfit mother, the father usually has very limited rights (again this depends on what state you are in). You do have the right to file for child support (which I may add I would suggest doing, he helped bring your son into this world...he should also help support him), and just because the father pays child support does NOT mean the father has the right to see the child (they actually state that). If you have any concerns over visitations, etc. what I would suggest is filing a parenting plan with the courts (an attorney can help you with the process, and sometimes for free [pro-bono]). Then the 2 of you (not the fiancee) can iron out details on how the 2 of you as seperate households will raise your child and keep the other parent involved (visitations, etc.). If he chooses not to be involved in the process, then the courts will award you what ever you put in the plan, and then he must abide by it. You do have the right to change the parenting plan in the future if you so desire.
If you have any other questions, or just need someone to talk to (especially since I have been there a few times), feel free to email or messenger me. Good luck, and congrats on the baby!
Do i have a law Suite on the circuit court of macomb county michigan?
justin g
When i was 12 my parents were separated in a messy divorce.My mother gave up custody of me and my 9 year old brother to my father.I had two other sisters and a baby brother that my mother got custody over.Around 6 months later we moved out of state to california.My father fell into a very good job but soon after he started seeing all of his pay garnished for child support and i mean all.This went on for many years threw different jobs he had.His tax credits for having me and my brother were also taken and are still to this day.Because of this me and my brother were forced to live in Extreme poverty and basically on the Street from a very young age.The court made sure my other siblings were taken care of but we were just left out.This life style had a very bad psychological effect was very damaging to me and my brother.Its now ben twenty years later and i just feel that we were wronged.I just feel the courts should of seen and monitored this for us.My mother never paid child support an i have not seen her for twenty yeas.I just think the curt should have ben held somewhat responsible for leaving us out in the cold like this and should have better watched over us like they did for my other sisters and brother.I know if they did my life would have been more positive when i was younger.
Answer
Way too late even if you could pull a case together. You can't sue the court and you can't sue support enforcement for enforcing court orders.
Additionally, the highest garnishment rate permitted in the US for child support is 50% of pay, not all of it as you claim.
Perhaps 20 years ago your father should have appealed the child support award. Now is way too late.
Way too late even if you could pull a case together. You can't sue the court and you can't sue support enforcement for enforcing court orders.
Additionally, the highest garnishment rate permitted in the US for child support is 50% of pay, not all of it as you claim.
Perhaps 20 years ago your father should have appealed the child support award. Now is way too late.
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Title Post: Ex and I fighting over our preemie son?
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Rating: 96% based on 987 ratings. 4,3 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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