FishyFace
My niece is 1 and she declares all the attention. But now another niece is on her way and i dont want her to feel jealous when the other is born. I know its going to affect her and her world is gonna change now that she is going to have to share the attention. What can i do so she does not feel so jealous when her new sister arrives? I mean we are not going to carry her as much anymore and i dont want her to feel left out. what do i do?
Answer
You're a cool aunt! :-)
You don't mention how often your neice is around other children. That can make a difference, since even though she has the attention at home, does she have to share it at daycare or something? Also, are there any other kids in the family, or is she the only one?
If she's the only baby around, then it's possible she has the attention not because she demands it, but by default, since there's no one there to share it. It could be she'll not have a lot of trouble sharing some of the limelight.
For 1-year-olds, they can be on all kinds of levels. My son was 20 months old when my other little boy was born, and here are a few of the things we did:
1. Keep them involved. Let her know baby sister is in Momma's tummy. Show her the sonogram pictures. If the doctor allows it, take her to a doctor visit to let her hear the baby's heartbeat, or let her in the room before labor turns ugly and let her listen then and/or watch the monitors. Let her know that it's a little girl like her and what the baby's name will be. You can even let her pick out a present for the baby. My son picked out a stuffed cookie monster for the baby, and every night he put the plush in the crib with Colin.) If you do all this, it'll be a little less of a shock when there's this little red bundle of crying taking up all of Momma's time.
2. Sell her on the cool parts of being a big sister. A big one that worked well for us was that big brothers get to eat real food (and cookies and drink chocolate milk or juice in bob the builder sippy cups) while babies only get white milk in baby bottles (we even let him have a taste of the baby's milk, and he decided on his own that apple juice and cookies are a better snack). Big brothers also got to go to bed a little later at night and wear Spiderman pajamas and look at books.
3. One year old is young, but there are things she can do to help, and that can really help her feel needed in the family. She's lost her spot as the one to be adored, so helping her carve out a place in the group will help her. At a year old, she can sit on the couch and, with close supervision, "hold" the baby. She can give the baby a bottle, give a pacifier, sing a lullaby, make faces. Cameron loved burping the baby, too, but that needs to be done very very carefully so they don't hit the baby's back too hard. I think he liked the instant reward of actually getting a burp out of the baby. :-) She can help pick out clothes for the baby to wear, or which blanket she can be wrapped in. At that age, they like to have some control even over little things. Letting her make those simple decisions can help her feel she hasn't lost control all over the place. One-year-olds are great for entertaining the baby during spongebaths or diaper changes (change diapers on the floor using a mat, and she can sit across from you and entertain the baby by singing, talking, making faces, showing off a stuffed animal, etc.) Of course, it goes without saying that EXTREME supervision should be practiced. A big advantage is that kids from about 1-1/2 years old to about 3-years-old or older are fascinated by babies, and they love to love on them. Encourage it!
4. Don't cast her aside. There are, of course, times when she will have to not be in the middle of things. When her parents are at the hospital having the baby, let her know what's going on, but have something really fun planned for her. My older child went to stay with Grandma and Grandpa, who always have bananas. They had pizza for dinner. :-) Depending on the hospital and their policies, if she's allowed to come up there, and if there is a tv and vcr, get her a new video to bring up to the hospital after the baby is born. We put a brand new Blues Clues video in, and that way, Cameron was able to be with us and near the baby without having to focus on too much for him to handle.
5. I know this sounds wierd, but of the two children, early on, the one most in need of being held, given attention, etc. is the older child. I'm not saying ignore the newborn, but if she's sleeping, she can be put down to bed and her older sister can have that time with Momma and Daddy. Basically, early on, all the newborn will do is sleep, eat and poo (sometimes all at once). She won't need that much expressive attention, and she can't handle that much without going into sensory overload. But if you consider how big a change this is, the older child, at just one year old, will not be prepared to lose her cuddle time, and she shouldn't have to. She didn't choose to have the baby. Even if she has to share time and attention, which she does, there are ways to help with it. For example, when the baby is being nursed or bottle-fed, big sister can sit up with Momma and baby and listen to a story, or watch Sesame Street, or sing songs, or just talk. Multi-tasking is one of the main things moms have to learn to do. :-) Doing that could also provide some wonderful time to not only bond with the new baby, but to allow the sisters to bond, and to bond as an entire family.
6. Don't blame the baby for things the one-year-old has lost. If she wants ot have a story, or whatever, and the mother doesn't have the energy, saying "Momma's sleepy" is easier to accept without placing blame than "The baby kept Momma up all night."
These things, as well as special little suprises (something my kids love is that I pick up "birthday" paper plates with their favorite characters, so they think it's cool when they get to have a Batman or Mickey Mouse plate or whatever) and just lots of love and acceptance, I think your neice will be fine. My kids are best buds now, and they argue, but I'm glad we had them so close together.
Hope some of this helped. I think it's really awesome that you, as the aunt, got on and are wanting to think of ways to help your neice get through this. Congratulations to you and your family!
My baby has been having problem with her stool,what could be the problem?
Lincy Gach
Answer
It really depends on the problem. If it is constipation, it depends if the child last had a stool, age of the child, if there are other problems like throwing up or being sick. The younger the baby, the more quickly it can get into trouble if they are dehydrated from vomiting and this will slow down the bowels...but you really must stay on top of hydrating and monitoring. Talk with your doctor so they can gauge if you may need to try pedialyte, sugar water, or if older, adding things such as diluted or full strength apple juice...but if your child becomes lethargic, or appears to be having stomach pains (drawing up its legs, stomach appears distended and hard) go to your ER and contact a doctor. Apple juice, especially full strength (not diluted with water) can be hard on a child's stomach and can cause vomiting as well as diarrhea....and will not give enough nutrition for a baby who is dependent on formula or breast milk.
If your child is having diarrhea, as I said before, they can become dehydrated easily, and the younger the baby is, the quicker it may get into trouble. Sometimes frequent small feedings, every hour to two hours, and if they keep it down may help...diluting the formula so it is half strength (for a day), or adding pedialyte, sugar water, older kids, ginger ale, popscicles, broth, gatorade, weak sweet tea, may be the way to go when they are having diarrhea and worked back onto solid foods. You should work in conjunction with your baby's doctor...and call to see who is on call if you have a pediatrician or doctor can give you some direction. Some other signs of dehydration, dry cracked lips, can't cry tears, sunken eyes, skin tents (when stomach skin is lightly pinched, it tents up and slow to return to normal), lethargic, soft spot on head seems depressed when baby is quiet.
Bloody stools should not be ignored, contact a doctor or go to an ER immediately, this can be indicative of a medical emergency.
But I cannot stress enough, the younger your baby/child is the quicker they can get into trouble when they are ill...a toddler can sometimes indicate when they are in pain, and give some information when they are ill...a baby is dependent on YOU to make the right decisions....I've seen children die with 12-24 hours after a parent started to notice problems. Good luck and God Bless you child and you!
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