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My husband is abusive. He is verbally, emotionally, & at times physically abusive. He was abusive while I was pregnant with both of our children. He was abusive after they were born. He would say things like:
you can't do sh** right
your a sick bi*** (had/have postpartum depression)
etc. etc. etc.
He is a very self-centered man. Everything is about him & he always has some sort of issue to attend to. We even had to focus on him while I was in labor. He was angry about something...
He makes it known that I am his problem. I am the reason that he is abusive. I make him this way. If he was with someone else they would appreciate him more. (We live in a big house. I work as a elementary teacher part time to keep the kids out of daycare.) He thinks that I should be more appreciative because he is one black man that hasn't left his family. But to tell you the truth, this is worst than him just leaving me. He is here but he resents being here. You know that "work" of raising children. But he wants to award of being here for his kids, but on the side he is taking out his resentment on me. Always talks about how much work he does with the kids, i.e. helping with bath, diapers, monitoring, etc. He enjoys nothing with them it seems.
It is so hard to appreciate him because he is so abusive. I can not see past the abusive things that he saids and does. That is why I am leaving. My children who are in the infant & toddler phase do not deserve to grow up in such a dysfunctional environment. I am a excellent mother. My 2 year old already knows her ABC, counting to 10, etc. etc.
Can I be causing him to be abusive? Or is he using the fact that I am weak with postpartum depression to make me feel helpless & guilty enough to stay?
Answer
Sweetheart...there is no way on earth that it is your fault that he is abusive. That is a choice he makes, every time he does it. He can stop, if he so chose.
He is using your weakness to control you and cover his own problems. You can never do anything that is deserving of any type of abuse.
You are doing the right thing by leaving. It will be very hard, no doubt. You're heart might hurt, you may think you did the wrong thing, you may feel bad because you "hurt" him. Let me tell you, you are doing the right thing, the pain will pass, and as far as hurting him...he should have thought about the pain he'd feel while he was inflicting your pain.
You are right that the kids don't deserve to grow up in such an environment. They will lead much healtheir, more productive lives if they are not afraid. Also, they will learn respect and how to treat others properly if they are not hearing and seeing daddy be mean and uugly to mama.
You can do this....your babies deserve it! And as far as being weak....you have 2 children, work, and put up with an abusive husband! I don't see any weakness there! You are strong enough to see what he does is wrong, that your kids deserve better, and you are leaving. That takes strength. Now, you will have to put "strong" into overdrive to make it after you leave him....even if just for a little while.
God bless you, I'll be praying for you and your babies! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! (Philippians 4:13)!
Sweetheart...there is no way on earth that it is your fault that he is abusive. That is a choice he makes, every time he does it. He can stop, if he so chose.
He is using your weakness to control you and cover his own problems. You can never do anything that is deserving of any type of abuse.
You are doing the right thing by leaving. It will be very hard, no doubt. You're heart might hurt, you may think you did the wrong thing, you may feel bad because you "hurt" him. Let me tell you, you are doing the right thing, the pain will pass, and as far as hurting him...he should have thought about the pain he'd feel while he was inflicting your pain.
You are right that the kids don't deserve to grow up in such an environment. They will lead much healtheir, more productive lives if they are not afraid. Also, they will learn respect and how to treat others properly if they are not hearing and seeing daddy be mean and uugly to mama.
You can do this....your babies deserve it! And as far as being weak....you have 2 children, work, and put up with an abusive husband! I don't see any weakness there! You are strong enough to see what he does is wrong, that your kids deserve better, and you are leaving. That takes strength. Now, you will have to put "strong" into overdrive to make it after you leave him....even if just for a little while.
God bless you, I'll be praying for you and your babies! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! (Philippians 4:13)!
why do young girls get pregnant as fast as they change clothes and then make a big deal about child support!?
Alex
its like any girl 18 or older has a kid, is not with the kids father, has had many many sexual partners, and then always bitches they dont get child support or dont get enough (even if he pays what hes required to) its just never enough. its always "im gonna raise this baby" attitude and constant change in boyfriends, which of course leads to police visits when she wants him out over nothing, then restraining orders over BS and court. why are girls so slutty. they cant keep it in their pants either.
Answer
It's not any, it's just that 20% of sexually active females, over the age of 12, as actively trying to get pregnant. Tyra Banks featured the study on her TV show. It has nothing to do with child support, it has to do with having something they can own and have 100% control of. It's the idea that they can, so why not just do it. And, they do not have to have sex with the father of the child.
With the growth of the Self Insemination Kit industry, they can obtain kits, online, with full instructions on how to use semen after oral sex, or from a used condom, to attempt pregnancy. Spermicide in condoms have a very short shelf life, and those imported are not closely monitored by our government to determine even if it is spermicide being put in them. The industry has resisted government oversight. This means the boy can have sex with one girl, oral or with a condom, and she can than help a female friend get pregnant with it. An Illinois Doctor was ordered to pay child support the a woman who did this after oral sex, though he has been allowed to sue for for damages.
As for child support, this is petty issue to raise. There are by far worse ones.
Consider that a Michigan 12 year old boy has sex with the woman who takes care of him when his parents want to go to dinner or a movie. The woman gets pregnant, but she is married, so her husband thinks the child is his. The boy doesn't report the sex as boys are often taught that if they get "lucky" with an older woman, that is suppose to be great.
Now, 14 years later the woman is in the middle of a divorce with her husband, and he files for custody. She counters that he is not the father, so he can't get custody. However, she cannot now collect child support from him, so she files and is awarded a 14 year retroactive order on the "bio" dad. She couldn't be charged as the statute of limitations has run out which was the law for the time the act was committed, and old cases could not be grandfathered in under the new law.
A case in the news just recently involving a 13 year old Ohio boy, and a 19 year old girl, Jane C. Crane. He gets her pregnant and is ordered to pay $50 a month in child support, to be paid by his parents. The girl went to jail, however the child is now in the care of her mother. The boy cannot file for custody due to his age, and his parents do not have standing int he court.
In all states, underage males, who have sex with an adult, can be required to pay child support.
http://docs.dads-house.org/Statutory_Rape_Victims_Must_Pay_Child_Support.pdf
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It's not any, it's just that 20% of sexually active females, over the age of 12, as actively trying to get pregnant. Tyra Banks featured the study on her TV show. It has nothing to do with child support, it has to do with having something they can own and have 100% control of. It's the idea that they can, so why not just do it. And, they do not have to have sex with the father of the child.
With the growth of the Self Insemination Kit industry, they can obtain kits, online, with full instructions on how to use semen after oral sex, or from a used condom, to attempt pregnancy. Spermicide in condoms have a very short shelf life, and those imported are not closely monitored by our government to determine even if it is spermicide being put in them. The industry has resisted government oversight. This means the boy can have sex with one girl, oral or with a condom, and she can than help a female friend get pregnant with it. An Illinois Doctor was ordered to pay child support the a woman who did this after oral sex, though he has been allowed to sue for for damages.
As for child support, this is petty issue to raise. There are by far worse ones.
Consider that a Michigan 12 year old boy has sex with the woman who takes care of him when his parents want to go to dinner or a movie. The woman gets pregnant, but she is married, so her husband thinks the child is his. The boy doesn't report the sex as boys are often taught that if they get "lucky" with an older woman, that is suppose to be great.
Now, 14 years later the woman is in the middle of a divorce with her husband, and he files for custody. She counters that he is not the father, so he can't get custody. However, she cannot now collect child support from him, so she files and is awarded a 14 year retroactive order on the "bio" dad. She couldn't be charged as the statute of limitations has run out which was the law for the time the act was committed, and old cases could not be grandfathered in under the new law.
A case in the news just recently involving a 13 year old Ohio boy, and a 19 year old girl, Jane C. Crane. He gets her pregnant and is ordered to pay $50 a month in child support, to be paid by his parents. The girl went to jail, however the child is now in the care of her mother. The boy cannot file for custody due to his age, and his parents do not have standing int he court.
In all states, underage males, who have sex with an adult, can be required to pay child support.
http://docs.dads-house.org/Statutory_Rape_Victims_Must_Pay_Child_Support.pdf
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