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hardworkin
question. I have a four month old daughter, whoes father has been anything but active in her life. We are currently in the process of establishing child support, but i have some very serious concerns regarding visitation rights because of the threat his mother poses to the childs emotional well being. she is very controlling of him, admitted to being bipolar, has allowed domsetic viloence to happen in her home and is incapable of making sound decisions. She insists on calling me to arrange visitations with the baby, when I have requested numerous times that her son only contact me. She believes she is entitled to certain rights to the baby because she is the grandmother! Are there any laws giving grandparents rights to a child they have never had possession of? I have encouraged my daughters father to participate in her life, especially since she has a serious heart condition, however he refuses to do so unless his mother can be involved. His mother expressed to me yesterday that the only reason she wants to be around during visits is to ensure I don't do anything to harm her son; monitor me. Which I never have! If she can't she said she will tell her son not to be involved in the babies life at all. After hearing this I spoke with my daughters father and he agreed, that if he could not have his mother around the baby then he will wash his hands of the whole situation. His reasoning being, he has known his mother longer than his daughter and she always comes first. I don't think this kind of attitude demonstrates good judgement! Niether of them can possibly care for the babies well being if they want to omit themselves from her life completely over something so silly! Please, can anyone give me some suggestions on what to do? Would this be enough grounds to request certain restrictions be placed on his visitations? or even request sole gaurdianship of her?
Answer
You would have to check with the laws of the state you reside in as to grandparents rights to visitation. Some states do have laws such as Florida. As for the rest. You are right to be concerned about your daughters welfare based on what you said.
Your husband is an idiot by the way. The logic that his mother is a priority over his own daughter because he's known her longer is simply idiotic!
I think that if you can prove to a judge that your mother in law has mental problems, etc. you may well be awarded supervised visitation only. In such a case, anyone who comes in contact with your daughter would be closely monitored to avoid anything from happening to her.
By the way, ignore the first answer. I think either your husband or his mother wrote it!
You would have to check with the laws of the state you reside in as to grandparents rights to visitation. Some states do have laws such as Florida. As for the rest. You are right to be concerned about your daughters welfare based on what you said.
Your husband is an idiot by the way. The logic that his mother is a priority over his own daughter because he's known her longer is simply idiotic!
I think that if you can prove to a judge that your mother in law has mental problems, etc. you may well be awarded supervised visitation only. In such a case, anyone who comes in contact with your daughter would be closely monitored to avoid anything from happening to her.
By the way, ignore the first answer. I think either your husband or his mother wrote it!
Ex and I fighting over our preemie son?
Princess A
We have a four-week-old son who was eight weeks premature. He came home on Monday with a heart monitor and I have to really watch him because he did have episodes of apnea while he was in the NICU. His father and I are no longer together and he has since gotten engaged to another woman. They've been together for five months. He did not come home from school (2 hours away) the day the baby came home from the hospital and I'm really upset about it. His fiancee wants him to bring our son to their place 2 hours away and I am against it, especially because our baby is just under 5 lbs. His father comes home every other weekend, but has yet to come and see the baby other than twice since he's been born. I am extremely upset. Do I have the right to tell my child's father's fiancee to butt out of our business and try to work things out with my ex? I am still deeply in love with him, but I don't know what to do. I feel like I owe it to my son to keep fighting for our family... but right now, I'm just lost. Is it a lost cause? Or should I just move on? I'm so confused. What rights does my ex have?
Actually, I do know his fiancee fairly well. There are a lot of personal reasons why we broke up, mostly because of school and things but I never expected him to go get engaged to someone else. I just figured we would work things out for our kid. I'm still in love with him and this just... hurts.
Answer
Being the mother of a 9 week old preemie son myself (and in a "relationship" similar to yours at the time), allow me to give some advice from my standpoint.
First off, while at the hospital you should have had special training on how to take care of your son and his special needs (the hospital I was at it was mandatory that you were able to "pass" all aspects before baby was allowed to go home with you). Since your son's father appears to be so uninvolved with his life at all - I am assuming he did not join in on any of this training. With your son still being on his leads this is doubly important...and with you having JUST brought him home, even more so. As such you have a perfectly legitimate reason for NOT allowing your son to travel that far with him. Not only for your sons health, but for his safety as well.
Next, if he is already engaged to this other woman (and after such a short amount of time) I am going to assume that he may have been "seeing" her BEFORE they got together. My son's father did something very similar. My advice on this, just leave well enough alone. I realise you still love him (I was dealing with the same emotions with my ex), and it is going to hurt for some time, but he has already moved on with his life....and you have a little man in your life now who will love you unconditionally. I would forget about trying to patch things up with your ex, and focus all of your energy on your new little bundle of joy who is at home with you now (and they do take a lot). Leave the offer on the table for the father to be a part of his son's life if he truly wishes it, but DON'T try to force it on him either - it most likely will have repercussions you won't like later. And who knows what the future may hold for the 3 of you...but also don't try to force something that may have been never meant to be. Trying to keep a relationship going just for the kids 9 times out of 10 is one of the worst things you can do (been there as well).
As for the ex, the "nice" way to tell her to butt out (especially since you know her) would be to tell her that you can appreciate that she is trying to be involved in your son's life as a result of being with his father, but you would appreciate it if she did not try to force her presence. You could also let her know that until your son is older and halthier you would feel more comfortable with visits being at your house, and possibly with just the father at first (unless you think you can get along with her well enough to allow her to be there as well).
Finally, as far as rights go, unless the 2 of you were married, or Child Protective Services is involved stating you are an unfit mother, the father usually has very limited rights (again this depends on what state you are in). You do have the right to file for child support (which I may add I would suggest doing, he helped bring your son into this world...he should also help support him), and just because the father pays child support does NOT mean the father has the right to see the child (they actually state that). If you have any concerns over visitations, etc. what I would suggest is filing a parenting plan with the courts (an attorney can help you with the process, and sometimes for free [pro-bono]). Then the 2 of you (not the fiancee) can iron out details on how the 2 of you as seperate households will raise your child and keep the other parent involved (visitations, etc.). If he chooses not to be involved in the process, then the courts will award you what ever you put in the plan, and then he must abide by it. You do have the right to change the parenting plan in the future if you so desire.
If you have any other questions, or just need someone to talk to (especially since I have been there a few times), feel free to email or messenger me. Good luck, and congrats on the baby!
Being the mother of a 9 week old preemie son myself (and in a "relationship" similar to yours at the time), allow me to give some advice from my standpoint.
First off, while at the hospital you should have had special training on how to take care of your son and his special needs (the hospital I was at it was mandatory that you were able to "pass" all aspects before baby was allowed to go home with you). Since your son's father appears to be so uninvolved with his life at all - I am assuming he did not join in on any of this training. With your son still being on his leads this is doubly important...and with you having JUST brought him home, even more so. As such you have a perfectly legitimate reason for NOT allowing your son to travel that far with him. Not only for your sons health, but for his safety as well.
Next, if he is already engaged to this other woman (and after such a short amount of time) I am going to assume that he may have been "seeing" her BEFORE they got together. My son's father did something very similar. My advice on this, just leave well enough alone. I realise you still love him (I was dealing with the same emotions with my ex), and it is going to hurt for some time, but he has already moved on with his life....and you have a little man in your life now who will love you unconditionally. I would forget about trying to patch things up with your ex, and focus all of your energy on your new little bundle of joy who is at home with you now (and they do take a lot). Leave the offer on the table for the father to be a part of his son's life if he truly wishes it, but DON'T try to force it on him either - it most likely will have repercussions you won't like later. And who knows what the future may hold for the 3 of you...but also don't try to force something that may have been never meant to be. Trying to keep a relationship going just for the kids 9 times out of 10 is one of the worst things you can do (been there as well).
As for the ex, the "nice" way to tell her to butt out (especially since you know her) would be to tell her that you can appreciate that she is trying to be involved in your son's life as a result of being with his father, but you would appreciate it if she did not try to force her presence. You could also let her know that until your son is older and halthier you would feel more comfortable with visits being at your house, and possibly with just the father at first (unless you think you can get along with her well enough to allow her to be there as well).
Finally, as far as rights go, unless the 2 of you were married, or Child Protective Services is involved stating you are an unfit mother, the father usually has very limited rights (again this depends on what state you are in). You do have the right to file for child support (which I may add I would suggest doing, he helped bring your son into this world...he should also help support him), and just because the father pays child support does NOT mean the father has the right to see the child (they actually state that). If you have any concerns over visitations, etc. what I would suggest is filing a parenting plan with the courts (an attorney can help you with the process, and sometimes for free [pro-bono]). Then the 2 of you (not the fiancee) can iron out details on how the 2 of you as seperate households will raise your child and keep the other parent involved (visitations, etc.). If he chooses not to be involved in the process, then the courts will award you what ever you put in the plan, and then he must abide by it. You do have the right to change the parenting plan in the future if you so desire.
If you have any other questions, or just need someone to talk to (especially since I have been there a few times), feel free to email or messenger me. Good luck, and congrats on the baby!
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Title Post: what can you do about a father who does not want to be involved with his child because his mother can not?
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Rating: 96% based on 987 ratings. 4,3 user reviews.
Author: Unknown
Thanks For Coming To My Blog
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